Celebrity sighting: <a href=”http://secretdead.blogspot.com/2007/03/happy-birthday-parker.html”_blank”>These guys</a> came to my book-signing today in West Chester, PA. Parker behaved beautifully. I wasn’t sure if they’d be able to come, but I packed some gifts for Parker and his sister, just in case, and wore a shirt I thought he might like, one covered with silk-screened images of vintage cars. (And dating back to 1991, to continue the theme of “Laura keeps and wears clothes forever.”)
It was a good talk, I think, but I didn’t delve into the mystery of the expanding pants, which I discussed in Virginia Friday night. Here’s the thing. A few weeks back, I gave an interview to the Baltimore Sun about five things I allegedly wanted to buy right now. The list included blue jeans because all my existing pairs were patched. When the article appeared in print, I suddenly felt pretty pathetic. So I checked the label of the pair that fit me best, searched online and ordered two pairs. When I first put them on, they fit perfectly. But, over the course of a day, they expand. I can’t keep them up without a belt, they drag on the ground, sag in the behind. I look like a corner kid, circa 1996, except I don’t have boxers showing above the waistband.
If anyone could explain this phenomenon to me, I’d appreciate it. The pants are 98 percent cotton, with 2 percent spandex. They’re actually rather comfortable, but I look ridiculous.
“The pants are 98 percent cotton, with 2 percent spandex.”
Just reverse those numbers and I’ll buy a pair!
“Parker behaved beautifully.”
Note how Laura didn’t mention my behavior. I was good! I swear!
Seriously… Laura, you were great. I feel like I’ve just had a masterclass in how to do a book appearance. Your talk was packed with cool ideas, your selection was perfect, and you inspired a ton of great questions. PLUS you wore a cool shirt with cars on it. It doesn’t get any better than that.
Duane, I went to Girls High(you know near Lasalle)but probably before you were born. I go back to Philly occasionally and have read the City paper. Your ads are a lot more risque than Washington’s City Paper. So perhaps your behavior isn’t all that good all the time.
Laura, I want those pants- Usually I expand during the day- not my pants.
i think we’re wearing the same droopy-ass pants.
Well, to address the mystery of the expanding pants…cotton, being a vegetable fiber, sometimes expands microscopically..so that the fibers are sometimes close and tight, and sometimes loose.
OR you could have gotten a couple of pairs of badly made jeans. It could happen.
But I’m really with Andrea on this. I wish I had em! I’ve had to stop wearing jeans till I finish losing my weight. They cost too much to keep having to buy new smaller pairs! My goal is to lose 50 pounds by Bcon of 08…so you might not recognize me (yea right, like I’m going to hard to miss!)
Hey Duane that’s cool that you got to go to Laura’s reading, I’m so jealous. I loved The Blonde what an inventive plot! I have yet to read The Wheelman.
I don’t wear synthetics, I’m old and like natural fibers.
Doesn’t matter to me it they droop a little as long as they’re comfortable.
Sly in Anchorage
Perhaps you should invest in a pair of boxers
“Stretchy” pants, with the spandex, seem to do this. Wash them and put them in the dryer. Might help. I had a pair like that and it did, although I normally don’t put jeans in the dryer.
I enjoyed your talk a lot. Parts of it had me remembering another young teenage girl that disappeared in the range of 30 years ago. I didn’t know about it at the time, as we still lived in Texas, but she lived at the top of the street where I currently live, spoke to her friends on the phone that she was heading out the door to meet up with them at some teenage hangout, and was never seen again. Law enforcement was finally able to convict someone a few years ago, and the quote you gave was right, the name was in the file.
Parker did behave beautifully, even when I interrupted his reading of a book about fire trucks to speak to his dad.
Andrea: I have nothing to do with the ads. Though they are wildly entertaining sometimes.
Sylvia: Thanks! So glad you enjoyed it.
As for expanding pants, when I went freelance back in 1999, all of my friends warned me: Dude, do not wear sweatpants. Apparently male waists, like goldfish, will expand to suit their environment.