I used to know every musical that had won the Pulitzer, but my mind decided to let that tidbit go. It was, IIRC, a weird group. SOUTH PACIFIC? Sure. RENT? Hmmmm. A CHORUS LINE. Maybe. FIORELLO? I would like to see what else opened that year. While the show has some crowd pleasing moments (“Little Tin Box,” The Name’s LaGuardia”), it doesn’t hold up particularly well. There’s Marie’s Law, for example, which begins: “My law/Shall state/To whom/It may concern.” (The line is repeated as a man pretends to take dictation.) “When a lady loves a gentleman he must love her in return.” Transpose the genders and it’s basically a pro-stalking anthem.
But, sometimes, I like to make laws of my own. Here’s my latest: When you see someone you haven’t seen for a long time and they look different to you, don’t say in an accusing voice: “You look different.” Try: “You look great!”
The person will then say one of three things.
1) Thanks!
2) Thanks! I changed my hair/lost weight/bought a new dress/got some plastic surgery/stopped shaving off my eyebrows and painting them on.
3) Really? I haven’t slept since the baby arrived/I haven’t showered in days/I put on 40 pounds/I had my left arm amputated after a motorcycle accident.
See? Two out of three times, you will find out why the person looks different to you. And under the first scenario, you might not be able to figure out how the person has changed, but you will have made him/her feel nice.
As our country celebrates its 233rd year of independence (check my math), what laws would you like to pass? Have at it. Meanwhile, I’m going to check my memory of the Pulitzer Prize and will correct any errors I made.
That was the best/funniest post ever. I love it, it’s amazing how presentation can change everything. So few words, so many meanings and feelings!
I developed a rule based on Southern manners. When someone asks me a questions I find invasive or simply do not want to discuss, I slowly and melodically respond: “Hmmmm-mmhhmmm-hmmm” dragging it out as long as I can. I move on to the next topic or carry on with the previous one. It is amazing how often people think they have been answered, cuz they are only listening to the sound of their own voice. No feelings hurt, and confrontation avoided. I swear it works, southern manners are masterful at obfuscation and I use them to my benefit whenever I can. This works great with kids too.
I would like California to legalize hunting season for paparazzi. However, you shoot it, you have to clear it out of the road.
It should be legal for a pregnant woman to slap anyone who walks up and pats her on the belly without asking, and it should also be legal for her to shoot those who tell her delivery room horror stories.
People who allow their children to run around in restaurants while the adults sip coffee and chat should be subjected to the bastinado.
I’d pass a law allocating research funds to DARPA to develop an electromagnetic pulse device that would permanently fry a cell phone, then install one in every theater.
No one should be allowed to wear perfume (or strong aftershave) in a theater, where the air is guaranteed to be a month old and quite noxious enough already.
a mosquito zapper contraption for folks who throw litter on the ground w/in five yards of a rubbish bin, and who spit out their gum on the ground anywhere. also for non-scooping pet owners [don't pounce. had my goldie for 12 years].
actually fine, and collect the fines, for people who damage, dog ear, and write in library books.
no using of mobiles on the bike path. something wrong with nature, people? for that matter, no selling of bikes until customer proves knowledge of bike ability and rules of the road. just because you can pedal doesn;t mean you should.
make high school students participate in some sort of exchange program, even if only online, before they can take driver ed. make a *real* run for the border.
surely we can upgrade microphones on mobiles so that yelling is not required volume of ‘speech’
bring back the thank you note. persons who give gift cards may be thanked electronically.
and more seriously: is it really so terrible to extend rights to partners in same-sex relationships so that they can at least visit in hospital and share other things the rest of us take for granted?
//karen
I would pass a law that everyone who e-mails me “news” or “laughs” or ANYTHING forwarded has to have an unsubscribe link on their e-mail. I get 3-4 e-mails a day from people who just know I’m interested in their information. And I’m not. But I’m tired of asking people not to send me stuff, and I have 4 e-mail addresses coming into one mailbox so I have to go through each one when asking to be removed. It’s simple: If I didn’t ask you to tell me when you’re signing books or posting on your blog — please just don’t tell me. Because every time I check my spam box I get irritated all over again at your lack of manners, and that doesn’t make me think positively of you when it’s time to buy a book or kill some time on the internet.
Beth
You mean you didn’t like the video of Susan Boyle I just sent you?
Love love love FIORELLO, and while I admit “Marie’s Law” has completely dated and become creepy as time’s gone on, that’s more than made up by both “Little Tin Box” and “The Bum Won”, which friends and I sang a whole lot in 2000 and 2004…
As for laws, I’d make it illegal for people to broadcast who they are having drinks with on Twitter. Like I care. Like anyone cares.
If someone has gotten a haircut, don’t look at them and exclaim “You got a hair cut!”. That one always makes me pat my head and say “oh no, how did that happen!”
If you see someone LEGALLY parked in a Handicapped spot but there is no visible physical handicap, don’t question them. Not all handicaps are visible. The best retort I ever heard for that one was when someone said “You don’t look handicapped” the person parking the car replied “Well, you look intelligent, but appearances can be deceiving”!
Note to self:
Stop sending videos to Beth.
Stop posting to Twitter that I’m home alone, drinking. But I am. Right now!
It’s the cocktail hour, a holiday weekend and you are a sophisticated lady. L’chaim.
Here’s another one from me. If the lights are on, the door is open and the librarian is sitting behind the reference desk, don’t walk in and ask “Are you open”?
Laura, enjoy your drinks!
i have no idea what movie i heard this in in the last two weeks, but the line is: ‘i only drink alone when i’m alone.’ chin-chin!
and what is better while doing that, other than music, than books read aloud…so here is, ah, a famous actor from That Show, reading a very nice chunk of jane austen’s P&P on video: http://bit.ly/zMNGj
and laura, if you’re posting, you have a secret account.
as for twitter: there is an awful lot of very good info out there. it’s all about the filtering & knowing how to use it, which twitter doesn’t tell you. but it’s sarah’s law, so i’ll leave it alone.
happy almost friday–i’ve had my fill of bad news already in june part deux.
//karen
Of Thee I Sing, How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying and Sunday in the Park with George all won the Pulitzer as well, in addition to the four I named.
I heartily endorse the last one. I like How To . . . , but I’m not sure it’s Pulitzer worthy. Guys and Dolls, another Frank Loesser musical, seems more worthy to me. I dimly remember the television version Of Thee I Sing with Carroll O’Connor, Cloris Leachman and the Cracker Jack guy. (Jack . . .Guilford? Hysterium in A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum?) It is a very sly satire and I would like to see it again. Good score, too.
IIRC, Ira Gershwin got a Pulitzer, but George did not.
OK, here’s a new law close to my heart this week:
NEW RULE: It shall be illegal to give a senior discount without first (gently) asking “Is it possible that you qualify for a senior discount?”
And never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless she is in the process of giving birth.
IMHO (and I am right about this!), the best sone from “Fiorello” is “When Did I Fall in Love?”. And if you are sitting down, prepare to be dazzled by the great Audra McDonald belting it out of the park by cutting and pasting here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ykdm5ZlkS6o
Enjoy.
The Pulitzer has very little to do with true theatrical talent, longevity or trail-blazing artistry. But I don’t know any playwrights who wouldn’t want one anyway!
–Marjorie (a Broadway musical maven)
New Rule: When someone admires your work, say thank you, don’t point out the flaws.
My memory not being up to Laura’s, I can’t cite the article in Quilters Newsletter this came from. But it put a stop to my “aw, gee, shucks, it ain’t that good” shuffle (rather common among females of my era). When someone admires your work, and you say “no, look at this awful flaw” you are also saying “you are stupid and don’t know what you’re talking about” and that subtext is just appallingly rude.
It is almost always better to say “Thank you” than “I’m sorry.”
Laura,
FYI, the Cracker Jack guy is/was Jack Gilford. I know his name very well not only for his great comedic talents but because he and his wife Madeline were black-listed along with their friend, Zero Mostel during the HUAC mess. They were robbed of a great deal of their professional lives. I saw Madeline Gilford speak at an Actor’s Equity event in New York and she was incredible. Very moving and not made bitter by what life had thrown her. I would not have fared nearly as well. She passed only in the past two years, I think.
Here’s Raul Esparza singing Finishing the Hat from Sunday in the Park with George. Poor quality video/sound, but still worth watching:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90kA5dp1KuM
No one can say “What did you do to your hair?”
And I don’t mind getting the senior discount- even if I am not old enough for some of them. I don’t cheat but if the 19 year old cashier thinks I am 60-and automatically gives me the discount… I don’t go back and give her the $.77(that was last week’s senior supermarket discount on my salad)
It seems to me that the way to go on the senior discount is to give it to the person, unsolicited, and then say: “I know there’s no way you qualify for this, but you’re so nice you deserve a discount.”
I have one handicap parking story. One morning at BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit), I saw a man park in a handicapped spot way up front. He got out of his car, pulled out a briefcase and a laptop bag, and proceeded to SPRINT up to the platform to catch the train. He made it. I ran, too, but could not catch up to him, and I missed that train.
Hmmmm…
New Rule: Karen said my choice, which is littering. I just don’t get why people do this. I would expand it to include people who eat sunflower seeds and spit the shells all over the gound, or out the car window. Anything thrown from a car, whether it be seed shells, or cigarette butts, should be a ticketable offense. Fine to be tripled if the butt is still lit.
Laura, YOU I would say “knock it off” to — but I would never have to. But the one of you singing drunkenly into your hairbrush really could go viral….
When you visit someone in the hospital, don’t tell any stories about how someone you know died from this.
What I like about How to Succeed is that is doesn’t have a sentimental bone in its body. Its most sincere love song (“I Believe in You”) is sung by the protagonist to his image in the bathroom mirror. Still, the Pulitzer? I don’t know. Guys and Dolls remains the best musical ever, so you do wonder why this Frank Loesser piece got the Pulitzer and not that one.
Saw the recently late Van Johnson play Biggely in that at the ol’ Melody Top in Milwaukee.
Haven’t thought of any laws I want passed, but I worked for the Minnesota Legislative Reference Library for awhile in the mid-80s and our director actually got a law passed that state agencies had to put a title, a date, and the agency’s name on a publication. Unfortunately, there was no way to enforce the law, only send offenders a gentle reminder. Would have made my job easier if everyone complied. I can’t imagine the people posting here not putting a name and title on any of their publications
Maybe not laws but you should ALWAYS say yes if someone asks you to petsit, help them move or switch shifts. You just know you’ll need to ask them someday.
The law song makes me think of Groucho Marx in Duck Soup, singing about the laws of Freedonia, and I’ll do this from memory, so it may be wrong: “If any man should come between a husband and his bride/ We’ll find out which one she prefers by letting her decide/ If she prefers the other man, the husband steps outside/ We stand him up against a wall and pop goes the weasel!” I like HOW TO SUCCEED… too, especially the love song that Robert Morse sings to himself (oh, I see John S mentioned it). He (Morse) plays the owner of the ad agency on MAD MEN, which I think is a nice tip of the hat to an entire genre of movies.
i have another law to add to the list. if you’re open, you’re open. if i come in, don’t tell me you close in fifteen minutes and can’t help me [for a two minute thing!]. then you should…close fifteen minutes earlier, perhaps, if you need your precious quiet time.
i have never had a job where i could have pulled that off, even doing nursing shift work, and it stuns me every time it happens.
Here’s another one you shouldn’t do – look at the hair of a woman who has decided to go “natural” (read: grey, or as I prefer, silver) and ask “Do you think it looks nice like that?”
Clearly the answer would be, “Well, I do, but you evidently do not!”
Sometimes it’s necessary to tell people when you are closing so that they don’t,say, come into the library at 7:45 pm to start an all nighter when the library closes at 8:00 pm. When people come into my library right before closing time, I tell them and then offer to help so that they can get done what they need to do. I also let people who have started projects stay late to finish them up and don’t insist on walking out the door at exactly 8:00 pm. But, our hours are clearly posted in several places.
I’ve got another law. If you become what I will call “pseudo-famous” (examples: Bristol Palin, Jon & Kate), you do NOT — EVER AGAIN — get to tell anyone you’re really a private person and wish everyone would please respect that.
Having worked as a bank teller, I can offer another side to Karen’s “closing” law. If you know the bank is near closing, don’t come in with a deposit including twenty checks and a bag of unrolled coin, and expect the teller to be happy.
@zelda: telling me you’re closing is fine [even though i already know it]. telling me you’re closing in 15-30 minutes, while you are doing nothing except surfing the web, talking on your mobile, and generally sitting with your thumb in your bum, meanwhile telling me you can’t help w/a two minute request that really is a two minute request, is doubleunplus fine.
my branch of the library rings the fire alarm 15 minutes prior to closing. seriously. very subtle. they also alternate ‘late nights’ so there is always a lot of confusion on teh part of infrequent customers as to what time that day’s closing is. i don’t have a problem with it although it makes me jump out of my own skin. i only use that branch for hold request pick up and book return and eagerly look forward to the new branch manager taking over [not because of the fire alarm thing].
this conversation inspires a new law. in order to apply for, and to be hired for, library positions, active reading is required [thinking of the crack baby dolts who work at my branch], and computer skills beyond minesweeper, viewing of you tube, and downloading from itunes. if you’ve never heard of willa cather, john steinbeck, or, for that matter,laura lippman [true story, recently blogged about], just say yes to taco bell. and can we please make libraries a place of relative quiet once again, and not just public babysitting fora? if i worked at that branch, ‘going postal’ would soon be replaced in the lexicon by ‘going library.’
karen, who has been sipping Curmudgeon Blend beans.
@john–just saw that *again* last week. plus the “lady” wanted bank staff to fax some things for her and something to do with an international transfer… at 1658 hours…it was a most excellent time to launch into spanish and claim inability to understand.
good times.
//k
re: hair–my fave comeback to insipid remarks:
‘well, yes, but i *really* needed the chemo.’
//k