Because I was such a grouch, let’s begin October with the Bernard Pivot questionnaire from “In the Actor’s Studio.” I’ll go first:
01. What is your favorite word?
Serendipity
02. What is your least favorite word?
Don’t
03. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Walking in my neighborhood in the early morning or at dusk.
04. What turns you off?
Condescension
05. What is your favorite curse word?
Goddammit
06. What sound or noise do you love?
Train whistles in the distance.
07. What sound or noise do you hate?
Static
08. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Jazz singer
09. What profession would you not like to do?
Divorce attorney
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
You were never as evil as you thought you were, but what part of ‘not taking my name in vain’ did you not get?
Yes
Piss
The beach, an artsy neighborhood,nature in general
Lying
Fuck
Laughter
Dogs barking when I’m trying to sleep
Yoga teacher
Life insurance sales
Want a beer?
#1-F***
#2-can’t
#3-listening to Keiko Matsui or Take Five (endlessly)
#4-deceit-in all manner
#5-F***
#6-I’m a train whistle lover too
#7-Valley Girl intonations
#8-Jazz pianist
#9-Deep sea diver
#10-You did pretty good,kiddo-considering…
I cannot believe it. I swear, Laura, over the years that I’ve watched that show, and thought it over well, my favorite word is “serendipity”. Damn, now I gotta find a new one.
MOOOMMMMM!!! Laura stole my word!!!!!
Okay well anyway.
#1 Serendipity or plethora, i like “plethora”
#2 Should
#3 the Northern Lights (even if I’ve never ween ‘em); violin concerti, great conversation (I cheat here like I do on all lists – limit it to ONE?)
#4 Whining
#5 Motherfucker – I want better ones and shall be scouting here for ones to steal. You’ve doine a GREAT service just for that reason alone.
#6 Giggling, kids especially but real heartfelt giggles.
#7 Whining. Someone singing off key.
#8 Art restorer
#9 – staffer with the Salvation Army (combines two things I have trouble with – organized religion AND the military)
#10 – “Good work. Now, relax, someone will bring you something to drink. The masseuse is on her way over. Oh, and you won’t need those pills anymore.”
1. Schadenfruede. It’s German, but there is no English word for it.
2. Despair
3. Taking Dash for a walk down to the Pier and sitting at the very end with him his ears flap a tiny bit, and he has his head held high, and I wonder what he is thinking. He puts his paw on my leg, and it makes me believe he is thinking very deepy doggie thoughts
4. shallow shallow people
5 shitters. I giggle whenever I say it.
6. a warm summer wind through the palm tree outside my window.
7 Cats doin’ it underneath my window.
8.tarot card reader in a small travelling circus.
9. night shift at the 7-11
10. Well, obviously there was a mistake in the paper work, but since your friends slipped in, go ahead . The luau is at 8, and there is salsa dancing at 10. Latin Hotties will be supplied. Try and behave.
1. Fuck
2. myriad (too many people don’t know how to fucking use it right)
3. Music, I have such easy emotions to manipulate with music
4. Low self-esteem
5. Fuck
6. Sirens
7. Idiots talking
8. Cop, Army Ranger or Country Singer
9. Clean-up for a pig masturbator
10. Welcome, the open bar is to your left.
<OL><LI>Babies</LI>
<LI>Toppings</LI>
<LI>Creatively: Seeing(/reading/hearing) amazing art; collaboration.
Spiritually: Extremely large reverberant spaces (cathedrals, subterranean water tanks).
Emotionally: Hiding around the corner and then popping my head out to make babies crack up.</LI>
<LI>Wasted resources. Money spent on mediocre projects. <i>What I could have done with that…</i></LI>
<LI>Damn</LI>
<LI>Baby belly laughs</LI>
<LI>The cat night-calling. My blood freezes. The battle is on.</LI>
<LI>Director</LI>
<LI>VP of Sales</LI>
<LI>”Very good. That’s what I had in mind.”</LI>
</OL>
1) “Uncle Steve” when said by my niece
2) I really don’t have a least favorite word — it’s the misuse of words that get under my skin.
3) The creative mind
4) Disorganization
5) Cocksucker (the one I use the least)
6) A driving rain
7) My own voice
8) Editorial cartoonist
9) Actuary
10 “Your family is waiting for you right over there.”
01. “Bollocks”
02. “Leverage” used as a verb.
03. Sitting on my own in a quiet pub of an afternoon.
04. People who talk like self-help books.
05. “Fuck”. Probably. “Festering cockmonkey” is two words, so it doesn’t count.
06. The crack of lightning.
07. Screaming babies, I’m ashamed to admit. I’m amazed that such a tiny pair of lungs can produce such volume.
08. Film director. Comic artist.
09. Pig masturbator.
10. “Oh dear. You weren’t one of those poor fuckers following the big religions, were you? No? Probably for the best – they have such a terrible shock. It’s just ironic that the Cult of the Mighty Wahooni got it spot-on, but were all wiped out by the plague. Anyway, here’s your keys, trash collection’s on Tuesdays, there’s a pretty good pizza place down the street but I guess your neighbours will probably let you know where everything is. Try not to bother me unless it’s vital – I get migraines and I hate missing my soaps.”
1. Enigma
2. Obese
3. Walking in the woods, any season
4. Disingenuousness
5. Oh, shit!
6. Loon cries on a quiet Northern lake
7. Sirens
8. Landscape/nature photographer
9. Nurse
10. “Not bad overall. You’ve made some small differences, for the better, in other people’s lives.”
1 Misanthropic
2 Thrummed
3 A long drive followed by a short walk to a quiet bar. [After the car is parked for the day.]
4 People that use god as a leash for sheep.
5 Chickenfucker. [A bit of a cheat.]
6 Thunderstorms in the wee small hours.
7 Screams that are louder than the siren.
8 Bluegrass musician. Bagpiper.
9 Shit shoveler at a circus.
10 ” You didn’t make a big difference, but all the little ones added up. You don’t have to go back. By the way, your cabin’s on the shore of Lake Glenfiddich. “
Because I am now in Rome:
Buongiorno
Come?
Walking through the Violli of Trastevere
Bragging
Cazzo!
Ditto train whistles
Screaming little bambini
Writer
Italian street cleaner
Ciao, bella!
–Leaving tomorrow; cazzo! –
1. Why limit myself?
2. No
3. Nature
4. People
5. Shitpissfuck
6. Several: cat sleeping, husband snores, wind in trees, birds singing.
7. Several: motors, firecrackers, guns.
8. Professional ballroom dancer
9. IRS agent
10. “I’ve got good news and bad news. The bad news is that you’re gonna get recycled. The good news is that you can see your dog before you go.”
1. Fungible
2. Utilize
3. A good piano bar
4. Smugness
5. Fuckhead
6. My family all talking over each other
7. Styrofoam packing coming out of a box
8. Lounge singer
9. Child welfare officer
10. “Thanks, that was funny.”
1. possibility
2. cunt
3. being outside in natural places
4. intellectual dishonesty
5. fuck
6. singing children
7. sirens
8. musician (I’m assuming talent comes with the package . . .)
9. office hack
10. “Well done.”
1. tranquility
2.utilize
3. traveling to new places
4. rudeness
5. fuck
6. my daughter’s laugh
7. my daughter’s whining
8. artist
9. housecleaner
10. Your granny is waiting for you.
1. Awesome.
2. can’t
3. ideas
4. whining (which I occasionally do a lot of)
5. mother fucker. (or at school “rackafrackapackaloomer”)
6. rain
7. chalkboards squeaking
8. truck driver
9. lion tamer
10. “Oh jeez. Look who’s here. There goes the neighborhood.”
1. cellar door (two words, but they sound so musical together)
2. moron
3. walking down crowded streets
4. Pretense
5. Godfuckingdammit
6. Crickets or cicadas on a summer evening
7. Nails across a blackboard
8. Lead singer in a rock band… if I could carry a tune
9. Doctor, lawyer, accountant
10. Come on in and hang around for a while…
1. litigious (like the word, hate the concept)
2. the “c” word
3. writing in my journal
4. bigotry
5. motherfucker
6. leaves whooshing in the wind
7. styrofoam rubbing again styrofoam
8. talk show host
9. army general
10. Hey girl – here’s your gin and tonic.
01. What is your favorite word?
Poop
02. What is your least favorite word?
Cant
03. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Riding my 1941 Indian anytime anywhere
04. What turns you off?
Rap or Hip-Hop so called music
05. What is your favorite curse word?
F_ck
06. What sound or noise do you love?
The sound of an old Panhead Harley at idle. Lump-ity lump-ity lump-ity
07. What sound or noise do you hate?
Import cars with big mufflers… yuck!
08. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Traffic Cop
09. What profession would you not like to do?
Garbage Man
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at
the Pearly Gates?
Come on in… all your friends are waiting for you!
01. tied between “Depict” and “Genre”
02. Fanny. (ha)
03. Shopping – looking at design magazines – reading C.S. Lewis
04. Ignorance – Piety – Wasting time with inane questions.
05. Fuck
06. Planes overhead – the ocean crashing – fire crackling
07. the way this one table at work scraaaaaapes along the floor when you move it. EESH. worse than nails on chalkboards.
08. Music Video Director
09. Salesman
10. Welcome, my child.
and by ‘wasting time with inane questions’ i certainly didn’t mean this little questionnaire.
01. Precise.
02. Suck.
03. Quiet (not silence), dreams.
04. Insecurity.
05. “Crap.”
06. Natural rushing water, popcorn popping, basketball going through a net.
07. Phone ringing, including any elaborate ringtone. Also the Emergency Broadcast Signal. (“If this had been an actual emergency…”)
08. Acting.
09. Food service.
10. “You’re in.”
1) Preternatural
2) Enthused
3) Reading a great book
4) Hypocrisy
5) Goddammit
6) Rain
7) Most of the incidental sounds produced by my computer
8) Animal Masturbator (why limit yourself to pigs)
9) Exterminator
10) Here�s the keys, I�m retiring and leaving you in charge.