Doris and Me

Not a piece of which I’m particularly proud — I didn’t have anywhere the knowledge I needed to write well about Doris Lessing — but how many chances will I get to share an interview with a Nobel Prize winner.

And bonus: She touches on this blog’s favorite topic at the very end.

I’ll recount my memory of the interview in the comments section later today.

NEW YORK — Like T.S. Eliot’s Madame Sosostris, Doris Lessing has a cold.

Unlike Madame Sosostris, though, this does not imply her powers are diminished. Far from it. Now 78, she is razor-sharp, her mind sorting through the questions asked of her like a woman thumping melons in a grocery store. Some apparently are a bit mushy to her taste, others not quite ripe.

Small in stature, Lessing is a towering figure in 20th century letters — the author of a book, “The Golden Notebook,” that has been known as a classic almost since it appeared 35 years ago. “Generally known as my best novel,” she writes in “Walking in the Shade” (HarperCollins, $27.50), the just-published second volume of her memoirs. “Perhaps it is, but I have my own ideas.”

Does she ever. Lessing’s mind virtually teems with ideas, and she has been known to intimidate veteran interviewers. They call her publicist in advance, nervous and deferential, perhaps because they have read in “Shade” her assessment of another journalist’s efforts: “Shallow and superficial.” What prompted that criticism?

“She {the reporter} complained my heels were too high. I thought, `What was this doing in an article?’ They were these shoes, do you consider them too high?” The heel is a stacked one, perhaps two inches. “Well, then,” she sniffs.

OK, so she dislikes the process of promoting books and even disdains the people who buy books because of the requisite newspaper profiles. Then surely this limited tour of New York, Boston and Chicago must be pure torture for her. Wrong again.

“Some of my best friends are journalists,” she demurs.

And she is polite in conversation, dryly humorous, even kind. “Doddis is a good little baba,” she says of herself in her first memoir, “Under My Skin,” about her childhood in Southern Rhodesia. It’s a motif repeated in “Walking in the Shade,” when Lessing remembers dutifully writing a note of gratitude to Somerset Maugham when she won a literary prize named for him. The award helped her out at a time when her finances were precarious.

“I got a grudging letter back,” she writes, “saying that, first, he had nothing to do with the choosing of the prize winners and, two, he had never read anything I had written. … This letter from Maugham hurt. It was meant to. But I owed him a roof over my head.”

“I could have easily entitled this book `A Roof Over My Head,’ ” she muses at one point. The phrase is a constant refrain in “Walking the Shade,” an account of Lessing’s early years in London, from 1949 to 1962.

Instead, she once again turned to popular music for her inspiration. (“Under My Skin” came from Cole Porter, while “Walking in the Shade” recasts a line from “The Sunny Side of the Street” — “I used to walk in the shade …”)

The book, and her memories, are divided among her several addresses. And for many of these years, she eschewed the sunny side.

“I did at one point see that I was choosing unhappiness rather than happiness and I decided to stop that,” she says. ” `Walking in the Shade’ describes the preference for choosing — you know, I had two men, both of whom were extremely damaged men, one by war and one socially.” A pause. “Well, I needn’t have done that.”

But this second volume of her memoirs is about so much more than Lessing’s romances. There are her longtime ties to the Communist Party, which she came to disavow; the transformation of post-World War II London; life as a single parent; and, always, her work. For although Lessing is best known for “The Golden Notebook,” whose publication comes toward the end of “Walking in the Shade,” she has produced a vast body of work, which includes novels, science fiction, short stories, operas and nonfiction.

“The statesmanlike length of {her memoir} is probably justified by the extraordinary variety of her achievements, her exceptional memory and her facility as a writer,” Frank Kermode wrote in the New York Times Book Review. However, he also found “passages where you feel she is just typing on to complete a stint, and perhaps not looking it over later.”

“Shade” begins in 1949, when Lessing arrived in London with little more than her son, Peter, and a manuscript, “The Grass is Singing.” Twice divorced, she had left the two children from her first marriage behind in Africa. Some reviewers were surprised at how little attention she paid to this episode in “Under My Skin,” but she shrugs it off again in “Walking in the Shade” when she writes about the difficult end of a love affair.

“It seemed to me obvious that I was bound to be unhappy and any intelligent reader would understand that without ritual beatings of the breast,” she writes. “… There is no one who hasn’t suffered over love at some time, and so it should be enough to say that being thrown over by this man was bad for me. It was the worst.”

Conversely, she doesn’t dwell on the details of her domestic routine — up at 5 every morning with Peter, a “non-sleeper” — because she says only a single mother can understand what she was going through.

“You know, they didn’t even have the word {single mother} then,” she says, amused as as always by the vicissitudes of language.

Literary criticism as practiced by the Communist Party prepared her for political correctness; she once wrote an essay in which she said it didn’t seem coincidental that PC thinking came into vogue after communism collapsed. “The Golden Notebook” is often described as feminist classic, but Lessing washed her hands of all “isms” long ago.

“I am mortally afraid of them,” she says. “I have lived through `isms’ by the dozens, some of them lethal.”

She settles now instead for reduced expectations — efficient, non-corrupt governments — which still seem dauntingly high when matched against reality.

Her days in London sound full. Up at 6: 30, she exercises and does “all the things I have to do” before she settles in to write at 8. In the afternoons, she takes long walks and drops in at neighborhood cafes (the quality of coffee in London is an ongoing preoccupation in “Shade”). Theater remains a passion, and she even has a few television shows of which she approves, despite her assertion that TV is “the toad in the kitchen.”

And, always, there are books to be read. “Reproachful piles of reading,” is how she describes it. As for her own writing, she says the next book will be an old-fashioned adventure.

There will not be, she says emphatically, a third volume of memoirs.

“Impossible,” she decrees, having changed names and omitted some unflattering stories from volume two. “I can’t write that. Either I have to say, if I write the third, I’m putting nothing personal in there … or I could write a book just about literary events, but it wouldn’t interest me much.”

The process of writing a memoir has taught her how imperfect memory is, even in a mind as keen as hers.

“What is amazing is what we don’t remember,” she says. “I do, in fact, have a good memory, I remember lots of things in great detail. But having said that, there are great tracks in between, three months in which we remember nothing at all, which we take for granted, which I find extraordinary.

“We describe memory, think of it, as our identity, that is what we are. But I wonder if it is, because it is so slight, so fragile. No, I don’t think it possibly could be.”

Pub Date: 10/21/97

(c) Baltimore Sun

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4 thoughts on “Doris and Me

  1. Thanks for the interview with DL. You did good work for those Rat Bastards at the Sun.
    When heard of the Nobel literature selection yesterday, I thought, “Hmm, I wonder if Laura will have something on this for The Memory Project”
    Now I guess I should read “The Golden Notebook” although I would rather re-read “The Golden Compass”.

  2. I was hunkered down with my revision yesterday — done, done, done! — and didn’t get a chance to return here.

    Lessing was indeed formidable. I was one of only a few writers in the U.S. offered an interview with her, largely because I had a very good relationship with the publicist. (A good relationship based on the fact, I think, that I actually read not only the book for which the author was touring, but as much as possible in the author’s backlist.) Reading this article now, I even wonder if I was being a little cute, with the claim about nervous journalists calling the publicist — but I took a dark view of such rhetorical stunts, so I cannot imagine that I would have done such a thing. [Digression on journalistic ethics -- taking first-person experience and applying it to some unnamed third person is on a par with publishing a colleague's observations and attributing them to a "courthouse observer."]

    However, the journalist who had so offended Lessing with the observation about her shoes was a friend of a friend, and a really good reporter, so I was nervous about how I would fare. And Lessing seemed annoyed that I kept asking her questions about things in her book. She would point out that she had covered the topic in the memoir and I would say, “Yes, but, I’m here, and we have to talk about the book.”

  3. I agree that memory is indeed a slight and fragile basis for identity. Forgetting’s a danger–what happens to our identity when we can’t remember what’s shaped us? And what happens when we build our identity on a memory that might not belong to us?
    When I was five or six we lived in Indonesia, in a small gated community of embassy families on the outskirts of Djakarta. Houses were built in concentric circles around a large swimming pool and a small community center. In the latter we could take ballet lessons from Miss Irena, the Yugoslav wife of an American. I was besotted with Miss Irena—she was my imaginary mother, with her long chestnut hair braided into a thick crown wrapped around her head, and her diaphanous clothes, and her exotic, thrilling voice, strong and warm and encouraging, never sharp or irritated, nothing like my real mother. I practiced ballet feverishly so I would shine in her class, and she would see past my short-limbed, squat body, so different from hers. It wasn’t that I wanted to be like her; it was simpler, more primal than that: I wanted her to love me.
    During one Thursday night class I came down with a terrible case of the hiccups, the gulping, chest-freezing kind that sent a rhythmic twitter through the class. Miss Irena frowned at me and sent me to the care of a mother on the sidelines. This mother I remember well—girls in the class would stare surreptitiously at her left foot, which had only four toes. The second and third toes were fused together in a most interesting fashion; indeed, this mother showcased her deformity with bright polish and flowery sandals. It was a fascinating act of bravado. Nonetheless, despite her own self-assurance, this nine-toed mother had no special trick to help me.
    Fortunately, class was ending, and Miss Irena kindly led me by the shoulders outside, to find my own mother. My mother, of course, wasn’t there—she wasn’t the kind of mother who picked daughters up from class, or sat on the sidelines, or chatted outside by the pool with the other mothers. My sisters—Chris, eight and Cathy, nine—were expected to walk me safely home, but they often left without me, caught up in their own bickering, and I would make my way in the mysterious dark, through a deserted field and over turnstile that breached a stone fence, to our house on the compound’s perimeter.
    But on this evening Miss Irena’s husband waited by the pool, all crew-cut and decency and pride, surrounded by admiring mothers, and she charged him with curing my hiccups while she locked up the studio.
    He sat me on his knee and solemnly looked at me as I gulped and spasmed miserably.
    “Now, Diana,” he said. “My wife tells me you’re her worst pupil, and she doesn’t know why you’re taking ballet, because you’re so clumsy and you’ll never be any good at it.”
    His misguided tactic worked. My hiccups, of course, were shocked out of me, and a mighty well of humiliation opened up inside me, and I fled into the dark, as fast as my thick short legs would carry me.
    Of course I never returned to ballet class. Being clumsy was a new identity for me, and I wore it with shame. I grew stockier, and wore clothes labeled “husky,” and by the age of 10 or 11 I remember I weighed 90 pounds, certainly the biggest girl in my class.
    Years passed, and my body changed, and changed again; I swam, and played field hockey well, and softball badly. I had girl friends and boy friends and did well at school, but every time I tripped or stumbled in the normal course of things I would remind myself that I was clumsy.
    One day, when I was twenty-five or so, Cindy, the adolescent daughter of a friend of mine, asked me to go with her to a ballet class. Cindy was strong and athletic, a soccer player, but had recently discovered boys and embarked on a project to feminize herself. The dance studio she wanted to go to, Joy of Motion, was downtown, near where I lived and worked. It had drop-in classes open to anyone, and she wanted to try ballet, but was too self-conscious, she said, to do it by herself.
    And so we went, dressed in tee shirts and sweat pants. For an hour and a half we worked at the barre and flung ourselves around the studio to modern music, encouraged by a tiny, ancient woman with sharp eyes and a skeleton you could see through her greying leotard and tights. “Good!” she kept crying. “Good! That’s the stuff!”
    I left the class exhilarated. Nothing like that had ever happened to me before. I felt completely liberated from some dark oppressive shadow that had marked my life, cast almost twenty years ago by Miss Irena’s cruelly inept husband.
    I was still riding the wave of this epiphany when I had lunch with Cathy, my sister, a few weeks later. I told her the whole story, from the hiccups to the class.
    She looked at me, astonished. “But that part about the hiccups, and what Miss Irena’s husband said. That didn’t happen to you, that happened to me.”
    Carefully, after a stunned silence, we worked through the details of that night. Our narratives were almost the same, except for the nine-toed mother. She was mine alone. Cathy told me that she moved through life with her long limbs and slender build feeling gawky and graceless, and that she was so ashamed she had never told this story to anyone before.
    We of course called our third sister, who confirmed that the night of the hiccups had indeed occurred, but couldn’t remember which of us was the victim. This has never been resolved, but at least, at least, none of us feel clumsy anymore.

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