I have been to an unusual array of award ceremonies, ranging from the Macavitys to the Emmys, and, somehow, they manage to be more alike than different. The primary difference at the Quills, given Monday night, was that the winners were announced beforehand. (Cormac McCarthy, by the way, was a no-show.) Still, there was suspense galore.
1) Must I follow Brooke Shields down the red carpet? No, seriously — must I?
2) Who is speaking to Tina Brown? Oh, it’s Fergie! Well, I think we can infer at least one of Brown’s sources for The Diana Chronicles.
3) Would it be all right to lean forward and touch Lorraine Bracco’s very lovely hair? No? But it’s so near, so pretty . . . .
4) Oh my god — am I going to receive my award from a ventriloquist?
5) Does Karenna Gore hate me because I confused her with her sister Kristen just now?
6) Would it be wrong to lean back so I can eavesdrop on Amy Sedaris’s conversation? Sorry!
7) Are we going to make our dinner reservation?
8) Is there really a mystery/suspense category? Could they have forgotten it?
9) Will Steve Schirippa say my name right when he announces my award? Well, he was awfully close and I can’t say his name, either. I love you, Steve! Especially in the “Pine Barrens” episode, when you show up in camouflage!
10) Are there going to be enough doughnuts for everyone who wants some?
(That was later, at dinner.)
All in all, a glamorous night, just like the Emmys, only with fewer really gorgeous people. (Although Brooke Shields, Amy Sedaris, Lorraine Bracco, Joan Allen and that kid from “Spring Awakening” did their part.)